let's be honest here: this past week as been, well, just bad. tuesday & wednesday of last week started it off. thursday was a brief calm before the major storm hit on friday through saturday afternoon. saturday night and sunday were much better. but everything started to get dicey again around monday, linger and cause damage on tuesday, and now have come full circle on wednesday. i blame it on me not communicating well enough on saturday when i was trying to mend what happened on friday. i held too much in and didn't fully address the issue...and BAM! explosion. pieces of two hearts splattered over work desks, student computers, friend's ears, and nighttime pillows. going back to last thursday's blog, i'm so optimistic. and i think in hindsight i was trying to be; but i was just trying to convince myself with my own blog. yeah, that didn't work. so here i am NOW. honest.
i think that love is a very universal emotion...and affecting. no matter what type of love you have (friendship, family, romantic), when it's not going well, you are not well. last semester when i was having friendship troubles, my whole life seemed off. and for a whole month, i just wasn't me. and when i had to sit down the past week and decide if this romantic love was worth fighting for...and i didn't have an answer...i was off. i was not well. and i holed up, and shared my heart with only a few people. i felt completely broken. and that's life. we break. we are mended. we have scars. i'm healing right now. and i cannot even tell you how his words of encouragement soothe my battle wounds. it's a salve to my aching sores. and even as the storm raged, it was beautiful. how human life is so dependent on love. and i look at Christ's mission on earth, and it's central focus was on love -- He knew from the start our dependence on love, on being wanted, and feeling secure and held safe. and everything just...clicks. how can you not serve a God who just wants to love you? who just wants to give you what you've been searching for in friends, lovers, pets, clothes, jewelry, etc. we all just want to know that we are wanted. and, we are.
i went to emma's memorial service tonight with andrea. i wasn't going to, but andrea seems to always inspire the best in me. i didn't know emma well, but andrea and i had been talking about God's will for our lives and how we are to love those around us; we decided to go to show our support. it was thought-provoking how all these people shared about emma and her beautiful ways of showing Christ to the world. they held it together remarkably well. the entire time, i just thought of "what if andrea ever died?" "what if adam died?" how on earth would i hold it together half as well as they are? during the last song, andrea and i were both a little teary, and then i just lost it. i held onto her for the entire song not wanting to let go of someone i don't want to live without. after the service, we just talked about us. we cried and laughed. and then my boss came up to me just crying and told me that she was sorry for how she treated me this entire past week. the whole ordeal was just out-of-nowhere for me. i didn't even expect to go to this, and i left feeling so alive and...i mean, this was the person who reamed me out a week ago, and things just all came completely full-circle today. everything. work, my relationship, God.
and i am grateful. to God be the glory.
i am contemplating skipping class on friday to spend time with those i love.
6 free skips? sure. but, i'd take the bad grade in a heartbeat if i get to one day look back with a smile on the times i've shared with these crazy people i call mine.
and by the way, if you ever need to know, the fray is an excellent band to blog to. just throwing that out there.
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